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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27900388">Memories</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sasageyowrites/pseuds/sasageyowrites'>sasageyowrites</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Light Angst, Reader-Insert, Romance</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 17:39:51</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,376</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27900388</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/sasageyowrites/pseuds/sasageyowrites</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After a serious head injury it seems you’ve lost six years of memory including Levi</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/Reader, Levi/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>119</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Memories</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Uploaded from my Tumblr account sasageyowrites.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hey sorry this so long to get out. Just for clarification it was not an abortion it was a miscarriage, I try to keep my work free of political issues and I will try to remain as neutral as possible with sensitive topics.</p><p>Anyways your request, I already made a part two to that as you may have seen however I really like memory loss idea so I will write for that.</p><p> </p><p>Disclaimer: I don’t own AoT if I did I could afford that Mac book I am too poor for, I don’t own you because that’s just no.</p><p>Warnings: angst, swearing blah blah blah</p><p>Please don’t repost,</p><p> </p><p>Levi x reader</p><p>…</p><p>“What am I to you?”</p><p>“A stranger.”</p><p>“Do you love me?”</p><p>“How can I?”</p><p>…</p><p>“Who are you?”</p><p>“The name’s Levi.”</p><p>“Levi? They told me about you.”</p><p>“What did they say about me?”</p><p>“You’re the man I’m supposed to be in love with.”</p><p>Levi felt his heart shatter, a blunt knife being dragged through his chest and leaving him open to the pain of your words as you stared with blank eyes at him from your hospital bed.</p><p>He sat beside you fighting the urge to cry, his jaw clenched tightly as he watched you stare at him with unfamiliar eyes; the brightness that they held whenever you saw him had been completely erased as if it had never existed at all. Instead your (y/e/c) irises held little to no recognition as to who he was and he felt his throat burn at the gaze you gave him, as if he was a stranger to you.</p><p>The doctors had warned him it was bad, he just hadn’t known how bad it actually was until he had walked in to see his teammates leaving your bed, tears and pained glances in their eyes burned into his mind as they filed out leaving him alone with you.</p><p>An accident they had said. Outside the walls on your latest expedition outside the wall, you had gone with Hange’s group as extra support as she was low on morale. Unwillingly Levi had let you go with them telling you to come home to him, and you had.</p><p>But it wasn’t you. Not really.</p><p>Hange said one of her newer squad members lost control of his ODM gear and as a result had smashed straight into you. Your body had been pulled from the air and you had hurtled into the ground head first and now you couldn’t seem to remember anything or anyone other then your own name and first fifteen years of life, it seemed the past six years had never happened at all.</p><p>He had come rushing to the infirmary wing to your room after Erwin had pulled him off Hange, in his fit of rage he had grabbed the woman by her collar and held her against a wall, Hange hadn’t done anything to retaliate. She had blamed herself for what had happened and Levi had blamed himself.</p><p>He had been given pitiful glances by his squad mates as he passed them in the corridor, Petra had been crying on Oluo’s shoulder and it had only filled the captain with dread at your condition.</p><p>Now he was alone with the woman he loved and it tore him apart to be treated like someone you hadn’t spent the last three years caring for.</p><p>“Do you love me?” Levi asked quietly, he knew it was a stupid question but apart of him hoped he was wrong, begging for a chance his girlfriend of three years was still to call his.</p><p>“I don’t even know who you are.” you whispered “I’ve never met you in my life. How can I love you?”</p><p>You watched as his face visibly fell, his scowl deepening and his steely eyes dimming. You couldn’t recall having ever seen him before in your life, his name didn’t ring any bells and his face wasn’t one you could easily recognise, you had never met this man before in your life and yet, you seemed to feel completely relaxed around him.</p><p>Before you had had multiple visits from multiple people and each one seemed to claim some form of attachment to you which you couldn’t recognise, it had scared you immensely to see strangers faces surrounding your bed telling you they were your friends. It was as if you had been sleep walking your way through life only to wake up and not know what the hell had happened.</p><p>But with this man, Levi, something seemed different; you couldn’t feel the same anxiousness you had with everyone else. His presence felt familiar and you could see in the way he looked at you that he clearly loved you, you wanted to say you loved him too and make him happier. But how could you?</p><p>“What do you remember?” he asked after a while and you inhaled deeply biting your lip, Levi noticed this and knew it was what you did when you were trying to think.</p><p>You were in there somewhere, you were just lost.</p><p>“I remember my mother.” you said finally “I remember her begging me not to join the survey corps and to become a teacher like her. I remember joining the cadets at age fifteen and that’s all up until that point. I was told I’m not fifteen anymore apparently I’m twenty one.”</p><p>“Yes, you’re twenty one.” Levi answered swallowing loudly to stop his voice from cracking, his heart tight in his chest at the interaction his mind screaming at him to run and try to wake up from this living nightmare. But he wouldn’t run. He would never run.</p><p>“If I’m twenty one I must have been a scout for about five years now, is that true?” you ask and Levi nods, a grin spreads over you face “am I good?”</p><p>“You’re one of the best brat.” he said softly, his voice quivering slightly as his mind tried so desperately not to start showing the turbulence of emotions he was experiencing.</p><p>“Why do you call me a brat?”</p><p>“I just do.”</p><p>“Do I have a pet name for you too?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>You looked at him expectingly and he arched an eyebrow and he sighed a flush of pink colouring his snow white cheek.</p><p>“You called me pretty eyes.”</p><p>He watched the smile that spread across your face.</p><p>“Pretty eyes?” you repeated letting your own eyes connect with his, his irises were a light silver with dark rings around them, the light seeming to make them softly glow. They were narrowly shaped and seemed to tilt slightly upwards, but you could seem to find yourself lost in them and as you continued to stare you could make out that within the coldness of their exterior, buried deep within their layers was a lifetime of pain.</p><p>His eyes were truly breathtaking.</p><p>“Pretty eyes.” you said again a small smile on your face, breaking your gaze with him “I think it suits you. Can I call you it?”</p><p>Levi was quiet.</p><p>How could you be so calm and relaxed when everything you were had been ripped from your memory? How was he still sat beside you and able not to completely break down? It killed him to watch the woman he loved no longer associate with her past, with him and all they had been through. It was as if you were a shell of what you once where, an ignorant child living in his own nightmare. You were oblivious to the agony he was in.</p><p>“So you’re my boyfriend?” you ask after a while, Levi is quiet for a moment his mind pondering his answer.</p><p>Technically yes. But you weren’t you, he was in love with you of course he was, but he was also in love with the person you had once been.</p><p>She wasn’t there anymore.</p><p>“I suppose so.” he finally replied and your eyebrows furrowed slightly as you inhaled sharply, Levi’s heart fluttered.</p><p>You always used to do that when he was vague, whenever someone said something that caused inner conflict with you, you would furrowed your brows and always loudly inhale.</p><p>It was as if, just for a moment, you were you again.</p><p>“How long have we been together?” you finally ask, Levi sighes and runs a band through his raven hair the strands being pulled away from his steely eyes only to bounce back over them.</p><p>“Three years.”</p><p>“That long?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>You nodded biting your lip, you noticed how his eyes seemed to brighten whenever you made small actions, as if he was living in some form of the past. Perhaps he was, a past that you were deprived any knowledge of, that you had once haboured your own emotions for. You knew that if this man had been with you for three years it must have been something truly special, you wouldn’t deny he was incredibly attractive.</p><p>Most girls may have turned away at his short height, or his tiered eyes or his pale skin; but you could tell that underneath his hardened exterior he was someone you cared deeply for. You could feel it somewhere suppressed in your heart, you knew you had once been in love with this man. You wanted to remember, and even if you couldn’t remember directly, you still wanted to hear about it.</p><p>“How did we meet?” you ask him, you notice a small smile work it’s way into his face and his silver eyes make contact with your own the breath catches in your throat. Those eyes. You had seen those eyes before somewhere, but you just couldn’t place it.</p><p>“You were a cadet. I had just joined the scouts a year before. One day the horses escaped and you had missed training trying to catch them, you were sent to my squad for excessive training as punishment and something happened….” Levi trailed off as if trying to come up with an explanation, how could be fully describe what he had felt about you when you couldn’t even remember having felt the same about him?</p><p>He shook his head sighing as he reached a hand behind his head to pull on his neck, running his hand through his hair and over his head to land on his lap. He looked down into his lap, your gaze was torture to look at, he could almost feel your curiosity and it put him on edge. He couldn’t find the words to go on, he wanted to help you remember him so he had to navigate this carefully otherwise he would lose you forever.</p><p>“Something happened.” he continued swallowing the persistent tears back “I saw you and I thought…”</p><p>“I had never seen anyone so perfect.” you breathed.</p><p>Levi’s head snapped up, his eyes that had once been hidden from you on full display, his watery irises sparkling in the sunlight that peeked through the cracks in the curtains and cast warm light into your room. You could only hear your heartbeat as you gazed back at Levi, you didn’t know why you had said that but the words seemed to echo in your head over and over. A faint voice calling to you and guiding you through the empty parts of your mind where the memories you longed to experience had vanished.</p><p>“Yeah. That’s exactly what I thought. After that we became closer, you were a persistent little shit and after two years you had me.” Levi muttered nodding his head “Do you remember me telling you that? About you being the most perfect thing I had ever seen?”</p><p>You shook your head and his new found hope vanished, his posture dropping slightly and he leaned back into the chair he was in.</p><p>“I don’t remember you telling me that. But, I can hear it. In my head.” you explained placing a finger in your forehead, Levi listened intently trying his hardest to understand “it’s like there’s someone in there trying to be heard but I don’t know who it is. I don’t recognise them.”</p><p>“That’s a pain in the ass.” Levi grumbled and you laughed missing the faint smile on the captain’s lips at the sound. At least your laugh hadn’t changed.</p><p>“What was our relationship like?” you asked, Levi paused his eyes seeming to fill with flickering memories that had once been your own.</p><p>“You’re my most trusted friend.” he finally said and you felt yourself perk up slightly at his words listening with intent enthusiasm as he continued “you make me laugh, not a lot of people do that. You can really piss me off sometimes though, only because your irritatingly impulsive and you make me worry.”</p><p>“I make you worry?”</p><p>“All the time.”</p><p>“I’m sorry.”</p><p>“Don’t be. You keep me on my toes.” he said giving you a weak smile which you returned your body growing weak with butterflies.</p><p>“What else?”</p><p>“We were going to open a tea shop together when we left the military.” he said, the trace of a smile still on his lips as he recalled lying beside you late at night as you enthusiastically shared ideas on what your hypothetical future tea shop should be like, he noticed your eyes soften at the mention of the tea shop and you nodded your head.</p><p>“I like tea. I know that.” you said giving him a small smile, “what was our tea shop gonna be like?”</p><p>“We agreed to open it within Wall Rose.” Levi spoke his mind racing back to the night you had talked about it.</p><p>Admittedly he hadn’t been as enthusiastic about it as you had, he thought it would be impossible he ever got to leave the scouts. He wished he had engaged with the idea more at the time and considered its possibility, he truly hadn’t fullly appreciated you while he could.</p><p>“I remember you said you wanted to have hanging baskets outside the windows, and those shitty over sized arm chairs that are too big for anyone to sit their shitty ass on. You wanted to name it Levi’s Lounge.” he continued.</p><p>“I bet you said no to that.” you grinned and Levi nodded his ashen irises dimming slightly. “What did you want to call it?”</p><p>He shook his head as he recalled what he had wanted to name the tea shop. He had wanted to name it after a conversation he had had with you when he first met you, but there would be no point in telling you. You wouldn’t understand, you wouldn’t recall his motives or the amusing conversation it had sprung from.</p><p>“Nothing, it wasn’t very good.” he muttered turning his gaze away from you.</p><p>“You’re right Nothing isn’t a good name.” you teased and you noticed him wince slightly.</p><p>It was as if nothing had changed with you. You seemed to be exactly the same, it was as if things were normal and for a second he wanted to believe they were. But that would be a lie, it was an illusion.</p><p>Everything was gone.</p><p>“You really don’t remember me?” he asked quietly your smile instantly dropping at his watery eyes “you don’t remember anything?”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>You looked away from him to stare at the hands in your lap, your bison blurring as hot tears began to build in your eyes. You sniffled slightly and tried to rub the tears away but the first tear had already begun to slide down your cheek and landed on the white bed covers leaving a small damp mark,soon followed by another and another as the salty tears continued to roll from your eyes and down your face in uncontrollable crystalline beads.</p><p>Levi watched you for a moment his own heart painfully numb in his chest. He wasn’t sure if you would want him to hold you the way he always did when you cried, he didn’t want to break any trust you had in him by getting to comfortable too soon. He couldn’t begin to imagine what it must be like to have a stranger tell you they loved you, he didn’t want to scare you anymore then necessary.</p><p>But as he watched your body shake with silent sobs and the tears that poured down your face he couldn’t help himself. If you freaked out he would deal with it later, but his heart and mind instructed him that he had to comfort you, you were in a vulnerable position and he was still going to protect you just like he had for the last five years.</p><p>He moved from his position in his chair and stood up, sliding into the bed beside you as cautiously as he could. When you didn’t move away he released a small sigh and slowly reached out to wrap an arm around your shoulders, pulling you into him beside wrapping his other arm around you and letting your head rest on his shoulder, he gently rested his chin onto of your hair as you snivelled into his shoulder, your body pressed against his own as you were held securely in his strong arms.</p><p>It stayed like that for a while. Just letting you cry. Levi huffed in slight content at having you in his arms the way he always did when you were upset. He lowered his nose to bury in your scalp, the smell of your shampoo filling his nose and making his body grow slightly limp, his eyes gently closing in extacey as he allowed himself a moment to pretend that you were still his.</p><p>“Levi?” you whispered, your voice muffled by his shirt.</p><p>“Hmm?”</p><p>“What’s it like?” you whisper pulling your face out from his shoulder to stare up into his mesmerising eyes, his arms still tangled around your slim frame in such a way it felt almost natural, as of your body has been carved for his arms to hold and embrace.</p><p>“What’s what like?” he asked.</p><p>“Being in love?”</p><p>He was quiet. He was quiet for quite a long while, his lips moving slightly as he thought and his eyes narrowing in concentration. How could he say what he felt into words? How could he tell you that every time he saw you his world got brighter? How could he tell you that your smile was the most precious thing in the world? How could he tell you that your eyes were all he longed to see after a hard day of work? How could he possibly tell you anything about being in love with you when all his feelings for you were indescribable, being with you gave him life and no amount of long drawn out sentences could ever begin to explain it.</p><p>“Being in love is a gift.” he finally said trying to keep his voice steady “you don’t know if it’s going to be the most amazing thing ever or the shittest thing ever.”</p><p>“What was it like being in love with me?”</p><p>“Heart breaking. Being in love with you was heart breaking because I knew I could never care about anyone as much as you and it terrified me.”</p><p>“Did I ever break your heart?”</p><p>He looked at you. Yes. Yes you had, every word you spoke had broken his heart since he had asked you who he was.</p><p>“No.”</p><p>You sighed as if content by his answer, he noticed that your eyes seemed to sparkle for a moment as if something had been lit within their depths, a spark flickering in your (y/e/c) irises and it made his heart stop for a second his lips parting as he stared down at you in his arms, his ebony hair falling over his face, your noses inches apart.</p><p>He closed his eyes briefly as he felt your breath fall against his skin, your chest pressed against his and your hair falling over his body as you lay your head on his toned pectorals.</p><p>This took him back, to late nights sat with you on his lap as he did paperwork, one hand around your skinny waist while the other wrote with his quill, the soft candle light warmly filling the office as you sat playing with his ascot or running your fingers through his hair.</p><p>Had he known that those nights spent in eachothers company would only remain as his memories he would have tried so much harder to be a better man for you.</p><p>“You really love me don’t you Levi?” you say softly, he tenses slightly and rests his cheek on your head nodding “I’m sorry. I know this must be painful for you. It hurts for me too.”</p><p>“How do you mean?”</p><p>“I saw it on the faces of every one who came to visit me. Their disappointment, their agony at having me not remember who they are. But I didn’t feel anything for them, how could I?” you ask another tear escaping from your raw eyes “but you….with you there’s something inside me that wants to remember something I don’t know I miss having. My mind is blank but I can feel there’s something there, I want to remember being loved by you Levi. You seem like someone I could fall in love with. If the memories are still there, I don’t want to lose them.”</p><p>Levi didn’t reply, your words sinking into him and dragging themselves across his chest and digging into his heart leaving his soul a shattered mess. All those days spent with you had been the best days of his life, now they only existed in his mind and you had no way of knowing how happy you had been. He wanted so desperately for you to tease him like you used to, to run your long fingers through his hair and whisper his name. Stolen moments whisked away with each other, kisses shared behind closed doors, the blissful mornings he woke up with you beside him were gone.</p><p>He closed his eyes, his lashes growing heavy as his eyes watered and a tear ran down his cheek as he buried his nose back into your hair to hide his face from the peering eyes of the world.</p><p>“I’m alone Levi.”</p><p>“You’re not alone.”</p><p>“Yes I am. I’m walking down a road of broken glass and there’s no one to pull off it. Wherever I turn I cut myself and cause people heartache, those people who claimed to be my friends…I don’t think I had ever seen a group of more heartbroken faces. Faces I’m supposed to care about.” you inhaled a shaky breath trying to control your tears “I know somewhere inside me is trying to reach out to them and you. But as far as I’m concerned the faces of my friends are blank. It’s lonely.”</p><p>“I’m here. I will always be here for you so don’t start that bullshit.” he snapped and you released a weak giggle.</p><p>“I want to fall in love with you again. I want to feel the way I did about you again. Would you let that happen?”</p><p>Levi bit his tongue softly. He didn’t want to start again, he wanted his time back with you. He wanted you to share your past together so he could laugh about the things you did and reminisce about the early stages of your relationship. You wouldn’t be the same person you were before, it would be like he was dating a complete stranger who was in your skin, he didn’t think he could handle it. How could he look at you without everything coming flooding back? You would be in the wonders of a new relationship with him and he would be forever a few steps behind, stuck in his own nostalgia for a girl who no longer existed.</p><p>“I don’t know.” he finally replied trying not to look at how your face fell, the light in your eyes dimming “you’re not the same person you were before (y/n).”</p><p>“I could be.”</p><p>He was quiet.</p><p>“I need your help Levi. Teach me to remember myself.”</p><p>“I’m not sure if…”</p><p>“Please.” you begged pulling out of his arms, sucking up all the courage you had and moving yourself so you were ontop of his lap.</p><p>One leg either side of his thighs the breath hitching in his throat as you glared confidently down at him placing both your hands on his toned chest. His eyes were wide for a second as you moved over his crotch, his heart hammering in his chest as he stared at you through half lidded eyes, his hands automatically finding their way into your hips, your body slotting perfectly into his calloused hands. Your hair falling in messy waves around your pretty face and before he knew it his lips were melting against your own. His hands sliding to your back as he pulled you closer, your hair brushing his cheeks as you ran your hands over his front, your body pushed into his own as you shared the kiss, your lips numb to the touch of his own as he ran his hands and fingers through your hair. His full lips warm against your own as they grazed over familiar terrain.</p><p>You could feel something deep in your mind, like flint striking flint and something sparked. The beginning of a fire erupting in your body as you continued to pull against his full lips, your once empty memory banks seeming to fill with foggy images of something. You couldn’t distinctly see what those images were but as your brain continued to flood with voices and blurred memory, you could distinctly make out a pair of silver irises hidden with in broken memories. Levi’s soft voice ricocheting through your mind.</p><p>You could feel him in your body, you could hear him in your heart and you could see him in your minds eye.</p><p>You could remember him saying…</p><p>“I love you brat.” you whispered against his lips causing him to stop, his eyes widening slightly.</p><p>That’s what he had said to you when he first told you he loved you, two and half years ago.</p><p>You were coming back to him. You were still there, you were still his.</p><p>…</p><p>“What am I to you?”</p><p>“Treasure.”</p><p>“Do you love me?”</p><p>“More than life.”</p><p>…</p>
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